Montgomery County PA Young Republicans
I just stumbled across their site, and thought I'd let you all know about the officers. Certainly their bios show them worthy of recruitment to help out in Operation Fetid Quagmire, or whatever Preznit is calling it nowadays.
First up, Sarah Holcome, a real looker who works with Senator Rick Santorum (R-Canine) in the Philadelphia office. She's the Chairman, and as such probably has more balls than the rest of the lot. Please feel free to congratulate her on her leadership position, and encourage her to do some "walking point" in Fallujah by emailing her: firstname.lastname@example.org
Next is James C. Saring, and among his accomplishments is being named the Pennsylvania Young Republican Richard M. Nixon Man of the Year in 2004. (As an aside, these folks give tons of awards -- or maybe the officers here are hogging all the awards. . . ) James has quite a square jaw there, and also a bit of a Charles Manson gleam in his eye. I'm thinking he's a candidate for service in Tikrit. Anyone agree? Encourage him to enlist by emailing at: email@example.com
And then there's Avedis Boornazian, who looks far too much like an ARAB (gasp!) to be in this group. OK, maybe an Armenian. Likely he is a good Christian, don't you think? How else could he rise to the leadership position of Treasurer? His fiancee is Miss Sunnie Day Sanchez. Isn't that sweet? But she's likely a confirmed supporter of this war in Iraq, so she won't miss him. Heck, she might even work to raise money to get him some armor as he's patrolling the streets of Basra. Email him to encourage him to volunteer at firstname.lastname@example.org
The Corresponding Secretary is Dawn Delaney. She's a teacher in a local High School, but they need people who can teach in Iraq. Shoot, if she can control a High School classroom in Hatboro, surely she can control a riot of Shiites! Encourage her to enlist by writing to her at email@example.com.
George Gunning is the stud of the bunch. Evidently he's a fireman, or a fireman wannabe. Look at those steely eyes! And he's a Mason! Man, this guy could be the answer to all the problems in Iraq. He can help with infrastructure, being a fireman and all, and if he can crack the complex codes of the Scottish Rite Masons he's sure to be able to take apart an IED! Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Jason Langheim is a student at Montgomery county Community college, but no worries! When he enlists in the war he supports he'll be able to get all kinds of tuition benefits. I'm a bit suspicious about this line in his bio, though: "He currently works for the Montgomery County Republican Committee under Adam Gattuso as Special Programs director." What KIND of "special projects?" Well, you know what they say, "don't ask, don't tell!" I recommend him, and you can, too: email@example.com
Jim Veith was named "Best Oralist" at his Law School, but I suspect he's understood the error of his ways since then. He describes himself as slightly to the right of Rush Limbaugh, which speaks well of his eagerness to bring Democracy and sheer terror to the people of Iraq. Go to it, Jim Werth, and make sure to be polite when people email you here: firstname.lastname@example.org
Finally, that all-American girl Alexis Kropp has interned with Rick Santorum (R-VA), and doesn't even own one blue dress. She's a Philadelphia Eagles fan, and everyone knows I am one, too. So maybe I'll try to recruit her at a game. Football fans make great sentries, or so I'm told. Email and encourage Alexis at email@example.com.
I'm proud to introduce you all to this fine group of new recruits.
Labels: Young Republicans