Friday, July 22, 2005

Reenlist for big bucks to stay in Iraq, or don't... and stay in Iraq

The pro-war Righties have lately been touting recent numbers from the military that show record numbers of servicemembers re-enlisting in their service. "See," they'll beam with pride, "the actual grunts on the ground know we're doing good things over there and can't wait to sign up again, because they believe in the mission and know firsthand that all the gloom and doom coming from the liberal media is bullshit."

Well, there is that huge reenlistment bonus...
On April 3, 2005, 177 Soldiers from the Aviation Brigade, 3d Infantry Division reenlisted with GEN Dan K. McNeill, FORSCOM Commander & MG William G. Webster, Commander, 3d Infantry Division. The Soldiers reenlisted for a combined 993 years and were paid nearly $1.8 million in bonuses. it's hard to tell whether they really love Establishing Middle Eastern Democracy By Blowing The Hell Out Of It or they're just financially desperate to send some money back home to their family on food stamps.
Military families on food stamps? It's not an urban myth. About 25,000 families of servicemen and women are eligible, and this may be an underestimate, since the most recent Defense Department report on the financial condition of the armed forces -- from 1999 -- found that 40 percent of lower-ranking soldiers face "substantial financial difficulties." Senator Harry Reid, Democrat of Nevada, reports hearing from constituents that the Army now includes applications for food stamps in its orientation packet for new recruits.
But still, no amount of money is worth getting shot and killed. Certainly if a soldier in Iraq doesn't believe in the mission anymore, he'd decline the bonus and return home to family and safety... right? Well, maybe if he had a choice:
"My son in law in Iraq said they are being pressured round the clock to re-enlist or face stop loss. They are being offering $30,000 tax free signing bonus, and told if they don't re-enlist they are going to be Stop Lossed and get zero dollars. They are pushing the troops round the clock to re-enlist. Mark got only three hours sleep in 48 hours but when he got back he was again faced with re-enlisting. Mark said many guys are scared and are signing up, and their families at home are very upset -- for good reason. We really need to push our media and congressmen to expose the horrible way our troops are being treated."

Lisa Gill
Son-in-law in Iraq
So, when your choice is take the money and risk getting shot or don't take the money and risk getting shot, what would you do? Of course the reenlistment numbers are so high! (Speaking of "high", this is the same kind of tortured logic used in the other War on Nouns when they claim that there's huge increases in people seeking treatment for marijuana addiction, when in fact, more people are in treatment because more people are arrested and part of the sentencing is mandatory treatment.)

All those signing bonuses and food stamps are costing us taxpayers some real money. When the soldiers are dying at a rate of 61 per month and recruiting is not refilling the ranks of the Guard and Reserve or Active Duty Military, somebody is going to have to pick up the slack.

That's why the Yellow Elephants are so perfect to the task. They're already living in their mom's basement, so they'll be used to close quarters, bunkers, and taking orders. Their parents' financial ability to provide for them means they won't be needing any food stamps. And with their dedication and zeal, they'll entice a whole new generation to follow their example and join the military, and they'll keep those troops numbers high with their inevitable reenlistment.


At 22 July, 2005 19:14, Anonymous Ilex Opaca said...


Hey! I am psychic! I predicted age 42 just the other day. =)

To all Operation Yellow Elephant overt agents (you know who you are). Soon, we will have a whole new pool of Yellow Elephants to recruit from, possibly millions of new cadidates to hear our message. Read this and start prepping your speeches for all those Yellow Elephants that annoy the crap out of all of us whining they are too old.

Link I got it from:

How NewsBlog got it:

Important Snippet:
On Monday, the Pentagon filed documents asking Congress to increase the maximum age for military recruits to 42, in all branches of the service. Now, the limit is 39 for people without previous military service who want to enlist in the reserves and the National Guard, and 35 for those seeking active duty.

At a subcommittee hearing in the House on Tuesday, David S. C. Chu, under secretary of defense for personnel and readiness, said lifting the age limit was one of several tools needed to turn recruitment around.

"There is a segment of the population that is older, that would like to serve," Mr. Chu said at the hearing, "and we'd like to open up that aperture for the military departments to use as they see fit."

When asked how 42 was chosen, Lt. Col. Ellen Krenke, a Pentagon spokeswoman, said Wednesday that it would bring the policy in line with a recent provision that allows the military to commission officers until that age. Even if the age limit is raised, she said, the Marines and Air Force planned to accept new enlistees only through age 35.

The proposal, intended for the 2006 defense budget now pending in Congress, could further ease the military's historic reliance on young recruits. In March, the Pentagon rewrote its policy from the 1960's that limited new recruits to people under 36, raising the age limit for Army Reserve and Guard recruits by five years, to anyone younger than 40.

"People are living longer now, and things have changed since Vietnam," said Brig. Gen. David Grange...."

Not really that much change Brigadier General Grange. Republicans still start the wars, make all the money from them, and send others less fortunate than themselves to die in their place.

Same shit different war. Except now this time, some of those soldiers in Vietnam are closing the loopholes on those fortunate sons. Frankly, I think this is prep work for a draft. Chimpy McFlightsuit still has nearly 4 years left sitting in the Oval Office. That's a long time to fight with only stop-loss and blackmail retention policies in place. I have to still think that all the Coward Elephants who are able to get strings pulled, will still be able to get strings pulled. Only hope is once a draft happens, it means everyone, no Canada or any other country as safe haven, no college deferments, and no special treatment for any Young/College Republicans this time.

At 22 July, 2005 22:10, Anonymous Sue said...

this is just sick they give a tax cut to the rich and raise taxes on the poor so they can pay the poor and the brown to go fight an imperial facist war and die

At 22 July, 2005 22:31, Anonymous Sue said...

could you add links to the YELLOW elephants you find like these guys the four horsePUSSIES so we can go mock them and make them wet themselves?

At 23 July, 2005 08:02, Blogger Karl said...

General, Sir!

'Great graphics! That Yellow Elephant provides unlimited opportunities to share new slogans.

Sir, I know why you are Our Leader!


At 23 July, 2005 15:00, Blogger phinky said...

I find interesting that since 2000 the Pentagon has failed to keep up with how many soldiers' families need food stamps. Or does the Pentagon think we don't have a need to know how many soldiers are on food stamps.

Interesting times....what should overt is covert, and what should be covert is overt.

Is someone watching me thru my TV screen?

At 24 July, 2005 15:17, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recieved an application to join the draft board last week.
But chickenshit george said there wouldn't be a draft.
Something strange is going on. Of course when chickenshit first said there would be no draft, I immediately starting making inquiries about joining the board, something told me he was lying. Maybe the fact his lips were moving.

At 24 July, 2005 15:29, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lipshit haha

At 25 July, 2005 01:39, Blogger Farnsworth said...

What would you think of a family that had two college graduates who are still living at home over one year after they graduated from college, who still don't have a job, and who are still sponging off of mom and dad?

Isn't that a classic sign of your typical weak-willed slacker Doctor Spock-reading baby-boomer parents who made a career out of sitting around Liberal Marin County or its equivalent, eating French cheese, drinking imported designer water and smoking hand-rolled spliffs?

It's no wonder the kids turned out they way they did, given their poor upbringing. They are already behind the game and falling farther behind with each passing day. Would it surprise you if they eventually turned up on welfare, pushing rusty shopping carts and showing the unmistakable signs of terminal food stamp poisoning?

I'm sure you would agree with me that these parents need to practice a little Tough Love. These children need to take control of their lives, stop being the equivalent of welfare bums still living with their parents, and grow up. What they need is some self-discipline, some direction in life, some goal-oriented training that will help them to become the decent hard-working taxpaying citizens that they so desperately need to become.

The answer of course is obvious, the same as it is for every other red-blooded healthy unemployed American youth: Join the military.

There's really no rational reason why Jenna and Barbara Bush are not in uniform.

At 25 July, 2005 10:55, Anonymous Katie said...

and they said they had jobs what a bunch of chickenshit pussies I hate how so many kids just suck the wealth out of this country by staying at home and demanding welfare and demanding high minimum wages and demanding free education

At 25 July, 2005 11:47, Blogger Omnipotent Poobah said...

I just wanted to say thanks for doing this. It's a great idea. I'm supporting you with a link from my site:

At 25 July, 2005 14:57, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 26 July, 2005 21:23, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 27 July, 2005 20:30, Anonymous yellowelephantlickmyballs said...

Empire goes your dumbass goes to anonymous.

At 28 July, 2005 10:58, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 29 July, 2005 11:04, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the empire and theendless war against brown people


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