Saturday, July 16, 2005

The Presidential iPod Commission: Calling All Young Republicans!

I sent the following email to several chairmen and chairwomen of various College Republican and Young Republican groups across the country. My goal is not only to recruit these fine young ones but also provide them and their president with some kick ass fighting music. Feel free to email this out to your conservative friends.

Hello [John/Jane Doe Conservative],


I am a Republican college student from [your hometown]. I have an idea for a project and I was wondering your organization would like to lend its support. I am spearheading a group called "The Presidential iPod Commission". I came up with this idea several months ago after learning that President Bush has an iPod. According to the report, the president's iPod consists of mostly 1960's and 1970's music, otherwise standard "baby-boomer" fair.

Since the president enjoys exercising whether it be jogging or cycling, an iPod packed with good wholesome tunes would be a vital asset to the president. The music should uphold traditional American values of Christian faith, patriotism, non-homosexual
families, military dominance and free-market capitalism. These tunes could also be great for Young Republican parties!

For instance, I could picture President Bush as well as the Young Republicans getting their "freak on" to the following rockin' tunes:

Radiohead 2+2=5 : Chicago Hard To Say I'm Sorry : Travis The Beautiful Occupation : A Perfect Circle Annihilation : Green Day American Idiot : INXS Devil Inside : Dandy Warhols Hard on For Jesus : Grandmaster Flash White Lines : The Village People Y.M.C.A. : Black Flag Gimme Gimme Gimme : Garth Brooks Two Pina Coladas : Norman Greenbaum Spirit in the Sky : Dead Kennedys California Uber-Alles


Please let me know if you are interested in joining my coalition. My goal is to formally present the full list of songs to the White House on behalf of the Young Republicans. These songs will also serve as the official battle hymns of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders. By bashing liberals instead of enlisting to fight our president's war, they are the true heroes of our generation. Thank you for your time and may God bless America.


Sincerely,

[your name]


If anyone is developing a mailing list of all the College Republicans / Young Republicans please let me know. I think this would be a good way for us to stay in touch with these potential recruits.

7 Comments:

At 16 July, 2005 22:38, Blogger x said...

i'd love to see the response (if any) these twerps send back to you!

 
At 16 July, 2005 23:55, Anonymous JollyRoger said...

This is seriously beautiful stuff. Brought a tear to my eye.

 
At 17 July, 2005 23:09, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what happened to joining the army of the EMPIRE? now its ok for them to be ipod pussies?

 
At 18 July, 2005 00:20, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is no EMPIRE that has an army to join. And ipods are for cool people. For cool people only!

 
At 18 July, 2005 12:18, Anonymous agitprop said...

The iPods go in tandem with joining the army of the EMPIRE. They can hook their iPods up to the soundsystem of their Bradley fighting vehicles and listen to some rockin tunes while they bulldoze houses in the Anbar province.

 
At 21 July, 2005 19:16, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wooot death to BROWN PEOPLE

 
At 25 July, 2005 15:05, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OF COURSE THAT IS ALL THE EMPIRE DOES

 

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