Honoring "The Dean"
Christopher Flickinger
"The Dean," The Network of College Conservatives
Dear Dean Flickinger,
These are tough times for conservatives. Liberals and their media lackies have turned much of the population against us. It fills my heart with joy to see someone like you out there promoting our most cherished traditional Christian values, things like: torturing unruly children and uppity brown people; financially rewarding corporations and incompetent apparatchiks for their political support; nurturing the birth of a religious government in Iraq; supporting Our Leader's policy of protecting us against the truth; rewarding the wealthy for being wealthy; raining white phosphorus fire onto rebellious cities; reclaiming women's uteri as the property of men; demonizing love; relieving the poor of the burden of obtaining food stamps and health care; and betraying intelligence assets in fits of revenge.I want to thank you for the work you're doing. I hope you'll accept an invitation to spend a weekend at my compound so that I can honor you properly as a fellow conservative warrior. It's an ancient ceremony--one handed down generation by generation from our Spartan warrior forbearers. Yes, I'm talking about Spartan-style wresting, where two men, naked and oiled, grapple each other in an ancient dance, struggling to establish dominance and drive their manhood home into an exhausted, humiliated opponent. It's the highest honor a Republican warrior may pay to another. It's also the perfect metaphor for conservatism.
Afterwards, I'll drive you down to the recruiters office so that you can back your rhetoric with action. How does that sound to you?
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian
posted by Anonymous @ 11/13/2005 10:38:00 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Spoken like a true soldier for peace and the Christian way!
I guess it goes without saying that senor Paladin is currently serving in Iraq, right?
Oh, wait, he ISN'T?!? Why NOT?!!
He clearly has what it takes to hold up under the stress of combat.
Wait, no: actually I have that wrong again: he goes to pieces as soon as somebody points out what a dipshit his friends are. Oops.
Also, he set up a fake blog just to have a homepage link.
How do you spell "pathetic"? Oh, yeah: G-O-P.
Dave-
re your last para, that's the whole point:
Despite all that President Bush has said about the Global War on Terrorism and why we are in Iraq, etc., it's quite clear that he hasn't been able to inspire sufficient qualified Americans to consider volunteering for military service. [I believe that Pat Tillman made his own decision and was not directly influenced by the President.]
The Army last missed its annual recruiting quota in 1999 but the current shortfall is the largest since 1979. And, like, we're at war, and seriously so. [Not like Kosovo and, especially, Bosnia]
Over the past several elections, the American people have chosen one party to govern us, with the White House and both Houses of Congress. President Bush has not vetoed a single bill. It is clear that our governing party has the national leadership responsibility to set a good example for the rest of us.
Given that we're at war, etc., why is our governing party unable to inspire even its future leaders to consider serving?
How I wish this were not satire:
http://www.unconfirmedsources.com/index.php?itemid=1044
Paladin-of-Torm-
It's the Army that's bearing the load in Iraq. That explains the focus: on the fight!
What the White House has to do is inspire more qualified American civilians to consider volunteering for military service.
And that's not happening.
Dude, you play a fucking RPG. You are a loser. Get used to the feeling: Republicans are going to experience it a lot in the next few election cycles. If you have anything else to say, why don't you have your mommy write me a letter? Tell her to send me another photo of her and the dog, too.
Now, since we're all dusting off our bona fides: I'm from North Carolina, a state saturated with bases and military families. My friends are or were military, I have worked near and on the bases, and have become all too familiar with the culture. I know more about the inner workings of the military than some freetard who thinks leftists are "commies" and who probably still says idiotic things like "love it or leave it." Those are the earmarks of ignorance. Nobody talks like that anymore, except scared little boys hiding behind a dork screen name.
Clearly, this guy has a mental problem (perhaps he got it in the service? I know plenty of people who did). Regardless, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about and this thread has become a place for him to jack off over his pain and anguish at being a rightwing loser.
I guess, since this is OYE and all, I'll just reiterate what I already said: go join the military if you're so fucking committed to this war, turd; otherwise, shut the fuck up. Let the grownups talk so we can figure out a way to get out of this horrific mess your chimp-King has gotten us into.
Of course, people like Paladin don't join the modern military, because contrary to stereotype, modern soldiers don't put up with his kind of mouthing-off bullshit and he would find himself dead under a cot in Iraq real quick. Since I know the little coward just pissed himself at the thought, I think I'll extricate myself from this icky discussion now and leave with a one-finger salute to Paladin and all the other cowards at the Fightin' 81st Keyboarders Battalion.
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