Monday, June 29, 2009

".....why should I put my life on the line?"

Alexander Marlow a movie critic for Big Hollywood, a website dedicated to attempting to prove Sponge Bob Square Pants has a liberal bias, penned a review of a Iraq War movie to be released in July.

After OYE read through his bio letting us know about him rubbing elbows with A-List celebrities as a teen, we moved onto his poorly written review where he curiously revealed this:
I am a young man, athletic, incredibly attractive, and spent three-and-a-half years fending off hippies in Berkeley. I have not ruled out a stint in the military. The question I ask myself frequently is why would I put my life on the line?

OYE Comment: Just take your time, Mr. Marlowe, and make up your mind about joining The Military whenever it's convenient for you. We'd really hate for your career to become interrupted by serving your country. After all, getting killed in combat is for other people.

We do not care about this movie what-so-ever. Like most films we expect it to be garbage and we probably will not view it unless we're flipping through the channels a decade from now and it happens to be on at 1:00 AM on a low-rent cable network.

We do care about Mr. Marlow and helping him not rule out "a stint in the military" to better write his future reviews about war. Like most College Republicans he'll need more encouragement than what his inner self is capable of. Please feel welcome to E-mail Alexander and suggest a branch of The Military he should consider.

NOTE: For a thorough take down of this joker please read Army of Dude (major Hat Tip to AoD) and the comments at (nearly all 300 comments are hilarious).


At 30 June, 2009 08:31, Blogger Марко Фризия said...

I am a gay man, born in Tennessee. And I serviced my country honorably in the U.S. Army. I am now 100% disabled because of my military service. I served my country on behalf of all Americans, for our flag, for our constitution, for the good and the bad, for the JFKs and the Abe Lincolns, but also for hypocritical, bottom-feeding, toilet stall habitués like Larry Craig, and even for unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian feces like Mr. Marlow. Thankfully, I am not missing my crank or any of my bodily parts, but I do have seizures frequently because of a pesky traumatic brain injury. But I still have a good life and, as my husband says, I can f*ck like a jackhammer and I could suck the chrome off of a trailer hitch. We are happily married and we have a great adopted son. My husband is a Bulgarian soldier (now in the reserves). We met (as cunning linguists) while being tasked by our countries to promote better international military relations. This was a great mission for us and soon we began having private international relations with one another. I wasn't ever burdened with being incredibly attractive or wealthy, so that made my choice to enlist much easier. People in my family have served our nation in uniform going back to the Revolutionary War. You know what, I would do it all over again (if the Yellow Elephants would let us gay boys serve openly). I love the USA. God bless America! I would like to suggest the Marine Corps for little Alexis Marlow. Of all of the branches of the military, I believe that the
Marine Corps drill instructors would have a particular gift for helping Incredibly Attractive and Athletic Marlow reach a more accurate self assessment. They could transform him from being an arrogant slacker into a highly motivated killing machine. But I have a feeling Marlow wouldn't be able to hack it. I believe that Sponge Bob and Patrick would have a better chance at becoming Marines than a brown stain on a mattress like Marlow.

At 30 June, 2009 21:48, Anonymous Anonymous said...

After reading his bio, all I have to say is -- man he must think everyone is a fool.

If you went to Harvard-Westlake, you didn't get "occasionally invited to their mansions for various patés and cheeses."

No, you lived in mansions and dined daily on patés and cheeses." Who is he trying to kid? He wasn't the outsider to the "children of dozens of A-listers." He was an insider.

At 01 July, 2009 14:15, Blogger Grung_e_Gene said...

And why should he? As "a young man, athletic, incredibly attractive" he could be boinking all the unattended women left at home from those over seas...

At 04 July, 2009 18:15, Anonymous va loans said...

Army of Dude is too funny, i always read down thru the comments too.


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