Wednesday, October 19, 2005

$15,000 bonus to re-enlist... psych!

I thought that a little pic of a fake inflatable recruiter was just perfect for this story of fake recruiting promises full of hot air:
WASHINGTON – The Pentagon has reneged on its offer to pay a $15,000 bonus to members of the National Guard and Army Reserve who agree to extend their enlistments by six years, according to Sen. Patty Murray (D-Seattle).

The bonuses were offered in January to Active Guard and Reserve and military technician soldiers who were serving overseas. In April, the Office of the Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs ordered the bonuses stopped, Murray said.

"This is outrageous," the senator said in a telephone interview. "It makes me angry that this administration has broken another promise to our troops."

Murray, a leading Capitol Hill critic of management of the Pentagon and the Department of Veterans Affairs, said she didn't know why the bonuses were dropped but suspected it was connected to the tight federal budget.

"It feels like every day I wake up to something else gone wrong," she said. "And it all goes back to this administration not planning adequately for the Iraq war."

In a two-paragraph reply to Murray, Donna Warren, the National Guard Bureau's congressional liaison, said the bonus program had been scrubbed by order of the Office of Secretary of Defense for Reserve Affairs. Warren said it had been discovered that Defense Department regulations prohibited such bonuses, but she offered no elaboration.
So, for three months, troops were enticed with the offer of a $15,000 bonus. How many Guard and Reserve members in desperate financial straits had no choice but to re-enlist and take the money? It's not clear whether the soldiers will have to pay back the bonuses (they'd better not!), but it's inexcusable that the offer would be made counter to regulation in the first place, and even more unfathomable that it would take three months to discover the problem!

Still, $15,000 bonuses don't seem to be attracting our Yellow Elephants. It could be that young college Republicans with "other priorities" just aren't poor enough for fifteen grand to be worth investing a couple years' time, risking life and limb, and suffering post-traumatic stress disorder. We should come up with a bonus that will irresistably lure the Yellow Elephants into enlisting.

Hmmm... how about a lifetime supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer? I hear that's hot with the college kids. Maybe a downpayment on a nice home in a affluent, white, gated community? Perhaps a three-way with Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin (do it for the troops, ladies). Wait, aren't the kids into hip-hop and the "bling-bling" culture now? I know, a diamond bejeweled keyboard and a pimped-out PC workstation with 20" chrome rims (no, I don't know how you put car tire rims on a PC... I'm just thinking out loud). No, I've got it: a promise that when the Yellow Elephants go to Iraq, they'll actually get body armor and armored transportation! We can let Sean John design the body armor and we'll put the 20" chrome rims on the armored Humvee!


At 20 October, 2005 04:31, Blogger Karl said...

I've always wanted to bring back World War II's Victory Girls (V-Girls for short).

Not really the originals, though I honor and respect them for their service to our country, but their descendants.

Maybe Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin can ask major Republican contributor Mary Carey to organize the first event.

At 20 October, 2005 16:22, Blogger dejah said...

What would encourage Yellow Elephants to sign up? I'm afraid their patriotism doesn't work too well, nor does shame, since they have none of each.

Perhaps if you threw in a 401K plan and other executive "perks" to serve, these downtrodden little chickens would sign up to fight Bush's Noble War.

But probably not. They're too busy chasing sorority tail, cheating in business classes, and hiding out on campus to bother joining up and fighting. Thus it has always been -- the rich don't fight, and when the poor do the fighting, the rich laugh and rape their girl friends.

For, as you see, little Republican thuglets have no guts, no balls, and certainly no interest in making America a great country for all. They'd prefer their brown people (like their women) subservient) and low-paid.

Perhaps a draft excluding NO one would get their chicken-livered attention, no?

At 20 October, 2005 21:36, Blogger Gyrobo said...

You know what's funny about this whole thing?! Nothing, that's what. It's not funny at all.

At 20 October, 2005 23:22, Blogger dejah said...

Gyrobo, when are you enlisting?

At 21 October, 2005 12:17, Blogger Aaron Kinney said...

Ill only blast the bang bang if I get to strut my bling bling.

At 21 October, 2005 17:21, Blogger Samurai Sam said...

Sad part is that liberals will continue to get blasted for "not supporting the troops". It makes no sense, like the Chewbacca Defense.


Post a Comment

<< Home