In an effort to help the right move towards their dream of a homogenized white Christian society, I have created what I believe is the perfect Conservative. This particular “Uber-Con” is a combination of features from the following famous Republicans:
Trent Lott – He has truly perfect hair, as well as the signature window-pane sized glasses.
Sam Brownback – Senator Brownback is an astonishingly average looking man, and so his non-striking features make up much of the facial region.
George W. Bush – I chose to use Bush’s smile. While his teeth are not perfect, they seem to be the type of teeth that you would find on an average man. No gleeming smiles on the Uber-Con, please.
One of the crucial keys to making the perfect Conservative male is that he must be underwhelmingly boring looking. Why? If men are permitted to be attractive (ie. Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp) then sex will undoubtedly occur more frequently. As we all know, sex is a dirty, dirty act that should ony be performed when childbirth is desired.
This is my first shot at making the Uber-Con, and while not perfect, I believe it’s a good start.